Jesus Was A Terrifying Toddler


2 Corinthians 11:4-6 (Message)

“It seems that if someone shows up preaching quite another Jesus than we preached—different spirit, different message—you put up with him quite nicely.”

When the misinformed thinks of Jesus nowadays, one imagines …

An overly ebullient, grinning hick with a curly mullet, a man bag and a quaint southern drawl, who spits out more aphorisms than Joel Osteen on crystal-meth-laced Mountain Dew.

Or The Nazarene gets painted as some rambling, Rasputin-like mystic who strings together long, illogical stories like an unshorn, Bruce Banner#3 inspired, Matthew McConaughey grad speech.

Either that or Jesus Christo gets pitched as some unisexual, religious, gluten-free Gucci model who might confuse us in regards to his actual gender, but he’s crystal clear with his message that we should all be tolerant of the ridiculous no matter how much it offends reason.

Two things are for certain in our culture’s postmodern paranormal messaging regarding Christ and Christians:

  1. Jesus is not masculine and …
  2. Christianity is for pansies

Indeed, our wussified culture has created for themselves a wussified, Faux Christ, who’s nicer than the actual Jesus and has little to nothing to do with the rebellious, young Galilean who jettisoned evil politicians and priests and crushed el Diablo two-thousand-years ago.

Consequently, his followers are expected to produce gelded disciples who do not upset the world like the first century believers did.

Well, as you can imagine, Dear Reader, I’m here to blow that nonsense all to smithereens.

The real Jesus of the Scripture was a very hard act to follow. I hate to disparage Aquaman, but the Christ of the Bible makes Jason look like Joe Exotic.

Jesus was the epitome of a man’s man.

Yep, the Jesus of the Scripture razed hell, drank and made wine, was a carpenter before Home Depot and power tools, fashioned a whip and turned over the book tables of the religious dandies of his day, bashed false prophets and wicked politicos and sacrificially gave up his life as a ransom for many. To make that Man into Jared Leto with Courtney Cox’s coif, as far as I’m concerned, is real close to the unpardonable sin.

If you need proof that I’m not a bubble off level, then grab your journal, Dinky and sit down for this one and check out my observations of the Rowdy Christ from the Book of Matthew.


From Doug’s #1 Amazon bestseller,

‘If Masculinity is ‘Toxic’, Call Jesus Radioactive’.

555 Veterans Drive #98, Kyle, TX 78640

Doug Giles is Pastor of Liberty Fellowship in Wimberley, TX, and is the founder of ClashDaily.com

Follow Doug on Instagram and on Twitter @TheArtOfDoug.
Unsubscribe · Preferences

Clash Ministries

Doug Giles is the host of The Doug Giles Podcast, the co-founder and co-host of the Warriors & Wildmen Podcast (1M+ downloads) and the man behind ClashDaily. com. In addition to driving ClashDaily.com (300M+ page views), Giles is the author of several #1 Amazon best- sellers. His book Psalms of War: Prayers That Literally Kick Ass (2021) spent 26 weeks at #1 on Amazon. In 2018, Giles was permanently banned from his two-mil- lion followers on Facebook.Doug is also an artist and a filmmaker, and his online gallery can be seen at DougGiles.Art. His first film, Biblical Badasses: A Raw Look at Christianity and Art, is available via DougGiles.Art.Doug’s writings have appeared in several other print and online news sources, including Townhall.com,The Washington Times,The Daily Caller, Fox Nation, Human Events, USA Today,The Wall Street Journal,The Washington Examiner, American Hunter Magazine, and ABC News.

Read more from Clash Ministries

Jesus & The Untouchables 5 MIN READ ◦ DOUG GILES When Jesus came down from the mountain, large crowds followed Him. 2 And a leper came to Him and bowed down before Him, and said, “Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean.” 3 Jesus stretched out His hand and touched him, saying, “I am willing; be cleansed.” And immediately his leprosy was cleansed. 4 And Jesus *said to him, “See that you tell no one; but go, show yourself to the priest and present the offering that Moses commanded, as a...

Jesus Promised "Storms", Not Never Ending Yippiness 3 MIN READ ◦ DOUG GILES Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain...

Anxiety's a Sin You Should Worry About 3 MIN READ ◦ DOUG GILES For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? (Matthew 6:25) I've spoken at, and have attended, many, many, "Christian Men’s Conferences." Most, if not all of them, usually boil down to one message which is: "quit masturbating." Yep, that’s what they all seem...