Clash Ministries

Jesus Was A Terrifying Toddler

Published about 1 month ago • 1 min read

2 Corinthians 11:4-6 (Message)

“It seems that if someone shows up preaching quite another Jesus than we preached—different spirit, different message—you put up with him quite nicely.”

When the misinformed thinks of Jesus nowadays, one imagines …

An overly ebullient, grinning hick with a curly mullet, a man bag and a quaint southern drawl, who spits out more aphorisms than Joel Osteen on crystal-meth-laced Mountain Dew.

Or The Nazarene gets painted as some rambling, Rasputin-like mystic who strings together long, illogical stories like an unshorn, Bruce Banner#3 inspired, Matthew McConaughey grad speech.

Either that or Jesus Christo gets pitched as some unisexual, religious, gluten-free Gucci model who might confuse us in regards to his actual gender, but he’s crystal clear with his message that we should all be tolerant of the ridiculous no matter how much it offends reason.

Two things are for certain in our culture’s postmodern paranormal messaging regarding Christ and Christians:

  1. Jesus is not masculine and …
  2. Christianity is for pansies

Indeed, our wussified culture has created for themselves a wussified, Faux Christ, who’s nicer than the actual Jesus and has little to nothing to do with the rebellious, young Galilean who jettisoned evil politicians and priests and crushed el Diablo two-thousand-years ago.

Consequently, his followers are expected to produce gelded disciples who do not upset the world like the first century believers did.

Well, as you can imagine, Dear Reader, I’m here to blow that nonsense all to smithereens.

The real Jesus of the Scripture was a very hard act to follow. I hate to disparage Aquaman, but the Christ of the Bible makes Jason look like Joe Exotic.

Jesus was the epitome of a man’s man.

Yep, the Jesus of the Scripture razed hell, drank and made wine, was a carpenter before Home Depot and power tools, fashioned a whip and turned over the book tables of the religious dandies of his day, bashed false prophets and wicked politicos and sacrificially gave up his life as a ransom for many. To make that Man into Jared Leto with Courtney Cox’s coif, as far as I’m concerned, is real close to the unpardonable sin.

If you need proof that I’m not a bubble off level, then grab your journal, Dinky and sit down for this one and check out my observations of the Rowdy Christ from the Book of Matthew.

From Doug’s #1 Amazon bestseller,

‘If Masculinity is ‘Toxic’, Call Jesus Radioactive’.

555 Veterans Drive #98, Kyle, TX 78640

Doug Giles is Pastor of Liberty Fellowship in Wimberley, TX, and is the founder of

Follow Doug on Instagram and on Twitter @TheArtOfDoug.
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