“Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)
Before I got clobbered by Christ and roped into his kingdom, I was a big pothead. I mean … big. I took notes on how to live life from Cheech & Chong, John Belushi, Spicoli, and Beavis & Butthead, and I went on to give them a run for their money in regards to cannabis consumption.
In my post-salvific experience, I was thrust into whiny church meetings where men and women sat around and blathered about how hard life was, or when Jesus would return and/or Amy Grant’s new, groovy record. Suffice it to say, I found most Christian conversations quite lackluster for the most part until I was introduced to a group of Christian men who smoked cigars.
Yep, a bunch of serious Christian men in Palm Beach asked me to join them for a cigar session that included pilots, missionaries, pastors, politicians, entrepreneurs, teenage boys and twenty-something sons. It was relaxing, free ranging, not gay and lame, thought provoking and covered multiple topics widely and deeply. It was very reminiscent of my bong session days minus the overt demonic influences.
I watched the young men who attended learn via osmosis from their elder brothers what life in Christ’s Kingdom was all about as we all huddled underneath the glorious blue clouds of smoke. At that juncture, in 1996, I was hooked and no one can ever persuade me out of the efficacy of discipleship and kingdom business with brothers who sit down and relax and burn a great cigar or two. I’ve shared grand cigar sessions with great men all over this world from Alaska to Africa and not one of our sessions made me want to become a wilting Christian wussy.
Now, for the naysayer, there isn’t evidence that cigar smoking itself magically makes a man courageous, resilient, or spiritually tough. Lighting a cigar does not produce character and I’ve seen many a wussy try to feign toughness behind a cheap cigar.
But the kind of fellowship that can develop around a cigar, a fire pit, a porch, or a backyard table can produce something increasingly rare: men sitting face-to-face, slowing it down, talking honestly, challenging each other on their bullcrap, and building real friendships.
The cigar isn’t the source of the strength. It can simply provide the setting where the sharpening takes place. It’s our modern powwow peace pipe special event. Here’s why …
1. It Gets Men Face-to-Face
Men need time with other men.
Not followers.
Not Facebook friends.
Not text messages.
Actual dudes sitting across from each other talking about life.
Proverbs 27:17 says:
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”
Iron sharpening iron requires contact. In the same way, men are strengthened through meaningful relationships with other men.
An unhurried evening with the brothers creates opportunities to talk about marriage, kids, work, faith, failure, temptation, politics, culture, dreams, disappointments, and whatever else is actually happening in their lives.
Courage can be contagious.
Spend enough time around men who refuse to quit, refuse to lie, refuse to abandon their families, refuse to compromise their convictions, and refuse to spend their lives whining about their problems, and some of that backbone will rub off on the wussies.
2. It Creates Space for Accountability
Good friends do more than laugh at your jokes.
They occasionally get in your business.
“How’s your marriage?”
“How are your kids?”
“How’s your walk with God?”
“What are you doing about that problem?”
“You said you were going to do that six months ago. Why haven’t you done it?”
“Are you making excuses?”
Those conversations are invaluable.
Every dude has blind spots. Every man can rationalize bad behavior. Every man occasionally needs another man who respects him enough to tell him something he does not particularly want to hear.
Proverbs 27:6 says:
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend.”
Sometimes the best thing a friend can give you is not affirmation.
It is correction.
3. It Encourages Difficult Conversations
A cigar takes time. It’s not a nasty nervous habit like a cigarette.
That is part of its usefulness as a social ritual.
You are probably not going anywhere for a while, which means conversations can move beyond superficial bull----.
Eventually somebody starts talking about something real.
Failure.
Fear.
Marriage trouble.
A rebellious child.
Business problems.
Temptation.
Regret.
Death.
Purpose.
Faith.
Those conversations require trust, and trust usually develops over time.
James 5:16 says:
“Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another.”
Christian men need friendships where they can admit weakness without celebrating weakness and receive encouragement without being coddled.
A good friend does not merely say, “Man, that’s terrible.”
He may eventually say:
“Okay. What are you going to do about it?”
4. It Pushes Back Against Isolation
Isolation can quietly weaken a man.
A man can have hundreds of online connections and still have nobody he could call at midnight when his world falls apart.
Biblical Christianity was never designed around lone wolves.
Hebrews 10:24-25 tells Christians to meet together and “stir up one another to love and good works.”
Notice the language.
Stir one another up.
Christian fellowship should provoke something.
Faith.
Courage.
Love.
Good works.
Perseverance.
A regular cigar powwow of good friends can become one of those places where men remind each other:
Keep going.
Stay faithful.
Fix what needs fixing.
Get back up.
Don’t quit.
Do the right thing.
5. It Forces Life to Slow Down
Modern life is relentlessly distracted.
Phones buzz.
Emails arrive.
News never stops.
Social media never closes.
Entertainment is available every waking second.
A long conversation over a cigar pushes against that frantic crap.
You sit.
You think.
You listen.
You talk.
Sometimes you sit quietly.
That slower pace can create room for reflection that rarely happens while staring at a phone.
Psalm 46:10 says:
“Be still, and know that I am God.”
There is something healthy about occasionally stepping away from the noise long enough to think seriously about God, life, family, mortality, purpose, and the kind of man you are becoming.
6. It Reinforces Commitment and Brotherhood
Friendship becomes stronger through consistency.
A group that gathers regularly begins accumulating history together.
Births.
Deaths.
Weddings.
Divorces.
Business victories.
Business disasters.
Health scares.
Family problems.
Answered prayers.
Failures.
Comebacks.
Over time, those shared experiences create trust.
Galatians 6:2 says:
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
Real brotherhood means showing up when life gets ugly.
Anybody can hang around during the victory party.
You discover your real friends when the wheels come off.
Regular fellowship helps build relationships before the crisis arrives.
7. It Can Create Multigenerational Mentoring
One of the great losses in modern life is meaningful interaction between older and younger men. Yes, young men, screw youth groups and hanging out with your peers. Get around some elder tribesmen who’re seasoned warriors.
Young men desperately need older men who have already been punched in the mouth by life a few times.
Men who have built businesses.
Raised children.
Buried parents.
Survived failures.
Stayed married.
Made mistakes.
Repented.
Recovered.
Walked with God for decades.
Titus 2 presents a pattern of older believers helping form younger believers.
A relaxed cigar gathering gives younger men opportunities to ask questions they may never ask in a classroom or formal church program.
“How did you keep your marriage together?”
“What would you do differently as a father?”
“What was your biggest business mistake?”
“How did you survive that failure?”
“What do you wish somebody had told you when you were twenty-five?”
That kind of wisdom is priceless.
And it usually gets transferred through relationships, not lectures.
8. The Cigar Isn’t the Point
This distinction matters.
A cigar does not produce courage.
It does not produce biblical masculinity.
It does not make somebody spiritually mature.
A bunch of guys can smoke cigars for three hours and accomplish absolutely nothing except generating smoke and arguing about football.
The formative element is the fellowship.
The same thing could happen around coffee, a campfire, a hunting camp, a fishing boat, a meal, a workshop, or a backyard grill.
The cigar is simply a setting.
What matters is what happens while you are sitting there.
Are men encouraging each other?
Challenging each other?
Talking about Scripture?
Praying for each other?
Sharing wisdom?
Confessing failures?
Discussing marriage and fatherhood?
Talking honestly about temptation?
Helping each other solve problems?
Encouraging each other to take responsibility?
Calling each other back to faithfulness?
That is where the sharpening happens.
Acts 2:42 says the early Christians “devoted themselves” to fellowship.
Hebrews 10:24-25 tells Christians to encourage one another.
James 5:16 calls believers toward honest confession and prayer.
Galatians 6:2 commands Christians to bear one another’s burdens.
Proverbs 27:17 tells us that iron sharpens iron.
Put those principles together and you get something modern men desperately need: genuine brotherhood.
So no, the cigar itself does not yank the wuss out of anybody.
But sitting around with good men who love God, tell the truth, laugh hard, challenge your excuses, share their scars, confront your stupidity, encourage your courage, pray for you when life caves in, and expect you to keep your word?
That kind of fellowship can put some serious iron in a man’s spine.
The cigar just gives everybody a reason to sit there long enough for the conversation to get good.
Clash Ministries is here to do two things, namely, put brains and cojones on Christians. Yep, our holy job is renewing minds (Rom. 12:1-2) and emboldening hearts (Prov. 28:1). Your generosity helps us throttle the enemy by equipping God's people to live bold, wild and free in Him. You are a vital part of this ministry and we could not do this without you. Thank you for your faithful gifts and partnership and remember to always ... stay rowdy!
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Doug Giles is Pastor of Liberty Fellowship in Wimberley, TX, and is the founder of ClashDaily.com
Follow Doug on Instagram and Twitter @TheArtOfDoug.
