Would Jesus Vote for Kamala?

4 MIN READ ◦ DOUG GILES

The real Jesus of the scripture was a very hard act to follow. Jesus was the epitome of a man’s man. Yep, the Jesus of the scripture crushed the serpent, drank and made wine, was a carpenter before Home Depot and power tools, fashioned a whip and turned over the book tables of the religious dandies of His day, bashed false prophets and wicked politicos and sacrificially gave up His life as a ransom for many. To make that Man into some effeminized, skinny hippie with long, pretty hair as far as I’m concerned, is really close to the unpardonable sin. If you need further proof that I’m not a bubble off level, then grab your journal Queequeg, and check out my observations of the Rowdy Christ from the Book of Matthew.

1. Jesus was a Heroic Savior. He sacrificed His life via a brutal crucifixion for our goofy and abominable sinful condition. That is the epitome of masculinity. Indeed, no self-obsessed quasi-male would go anywhere near that ignoble death on behalf of others, but Christ did, willingly and joyfully (Heb. 12:1-3, Matt. 1:18-21).

2. When Jesus was a toddler, He terrified Satan so much that demon-possessed Herod tried to kill Him before He could become a man and wreck the devil’s dream of global domination (Matt.2:1-6).

3. Jesus defeated Satan’s temptations in the Wilderness on a very empty stomach. That’s masculine warrior stuff in case you didn’t catch that (Matt. 4:1-11).

4. Jesus preached repentance. Turn or burn, baby. He said unless you do a 180 away from your current and corrupt glide path you will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Nobody preaches that anymore, but Christ did because Jesus wasn’t an evangelical twinkie (Matt. 4:12-17).

5. Also, please note that Jesus wasn’t some fear-laden hamster and He condemned fear in His followers. Did they tell you that at Youth Group (Matt. 6:25-34)?

6. Jesus promised pain in life. Yep, He preached the brutal truth and not pain-free, no conflict, pixie dust. He also said if you build on obedience to His word, you’d successfully ride all storms out. If not, you won’t. That’s called straight talk, y’all (Matt. 7:24-28). That’s how a masculine Savior rolls. Can you dig it?

7. Jesus said, Dear young male Christian, that in this life you’ll be called the Devil and people will attempt to kill you. Following Him will bring conflict, even within your own family, and it could ultimately cost you your life. In light of this, He has commanded you not to fear, not to deny Him and His word, and to love Him more than life itself. That’s the fruit Jesus said a true disciple will exhibit (Matt.10:24-39). Once again, pretty pastors don’t preach that anymore, but Jesus did.

8. Christ said entrance into the kingdom of Heaven requires spiritual violence. You have to view Him and it as a precious prize that is sought with the most ardent zeal and intense exertion. If you don’t believe me, google Matt. 11:12 in the Amplified Classic Edition of the Bible.

9. Jesus didn’t obey His mommy all the time. If mommy’s desires conflicted with His heavenly Father’s will, then mommy got ignored (Matt. 12:46-50). That’s dude stuff right there.

10. Jesus didn’t tell quaint moralistic fables. His stories were scary tales of damnation to those willfully blind and deaf to His commands. See Matt. 13:10-17 for a blistering masculine example.

11. Jesus didn’t play games with hard-hearted goobers who blew off His person and works. He left them in the dust once He realized they were not interested in what He had to say (Matt.13:53-58). Are you getting this yet? Because I’m laying it down pretty thick.

12. When people described Jesus, they didn’t say He is such a sweetie. They didn’t paint Him as a very likable person. His contemporaries said Jesus was like Elijah, or Jeremiah, or John The Baptist. In other words, young dude, Christ was as cuddly as a cactus. Especially if you were on the wrong side of truth (Matt. 16:13-17).

13. Here’s another ditty about Jesus that’ll run afoul with the airy-fairy, porcelain-skinned pastors that fill pulpits in the oh-so-effete evangelical milieu. Jesus declared that true greatness, in God’s eye, has zero to do with wealth and fame, power and position, but is exemplified by sacrificially serving other people. Who the heck says that anymore? If you want to be a biggie big shot, according to God’s eternal perspective, then be a slave to others (Matt. 20:17-28).

14. In Matthew 23, sweet Jesus publicly barbequed the most religious clique on this third rock from the sun. Christ pronounced eight woes upon their ilk for irrevocably denying all of His calls to repentance. Once again, that’s masculine to the core. And lastly, after Jesus was abandoned by His disciples and God, beaten beyond recognition, and then crucified and killed. Please note that after He rose from the dead, He did not seek vengeance. He did not pout because nobody liked Him. He did not set fire to a daycare center because of His wounded inner child. No, and indeed, He turned their hate into His love, grace, and forgiveness and He commanded His disciples to spread that Good News all over this terra firma.

And young gents...if that ain’t masculinity, I don’t know what is. Ergo, my beloved, given all the aforementioned masculine traits Christ sported in spades I don't think he'd be too taken with Kamala and Tampon Tim.

Clash Ministries is here to do two things, namely, put brains and cojones on Christians. Yep, our holy job is renewing minds (Rom.12:1-2) and emboldening hearts (Prov.28:1). Your generosity helps us throttle the enemy by equipping God's people to live bold, wild and free in Him. You are a vital part of this ministry and we could not do this without you. Thank you for your faithful gifts and partnership and remember to always ... stay rowdy!